Reiki for Relationship Healing

Reiki for Relationship Healing

Before I started working with myself through Reiki, the relationships in my life felt like a roller coaster—intense highs followed by sudden crashes, unexpected breakups I couldn’t understand… A constant sense of not belonging anywhere, of never feeling at home in anyone’s presence. A deep feeling of being lost, like a child who has lost their mother in a crowd, reliving that fear over and over again. That was the summary of my relationships. Most importantly, I was looking at the world through the eyes of that frightened child—feeling deeply hurt in every relationship, being abused, and unable to protect myself.

Reiki for Healing the Mother Bond

When we talk about relationship healing, the place we must return to is the healing of our bond with the mother. This is the very first and most intense relationship we experience, where we first learn the concept of “relationship.”

Especially in our Turkish culture, the mother bond is that deeply emotional and sacred, yet wounded space—a bleeding, unhealed wound that we try to connect with ourselves and existence through its pain. This is the “Mother Wound.”

The Mother Wound

The mother wound is a chain of unresolved pain passed from our mothers’ mothers to them, and from them to us—a generational hunger for a love that was longed for but never fulfilled.

It has grown too heavy to bear and was handed over to the next generation. Eyes have been shut to the pain. Motherhood, femininity, wisdom, healing gifts—all were shut down because the pain was too much. Dissociation, forgetting, suppressing—these were the coping strategies, just to survive another day.

Child brides who never lived their own childhoods, girls forced into marriages with men they didn’t love, grandmothers who experienced sexuality as violence or abuse—what could they give us? What legacy was passed to us, other than one where a grandmother tells her granddaughter: “I wish I hadn’t been born a woman. I wish I had been born a man.”

Mothers who didn’t value their daughters as they didn’t value themselves, who glorified their sons and turned them into the lovers they never had, who never allowed their sons to grow up because they couldn’t bear to be left behind…

They couldn’t cope with the sorrow of a life unlived, songs never sung, power never expressed, sexuality never discovered. They couldn’t process the pain of not being seen or respected. Consciously or unconsciously, they passed a message to their daughters: “I will love and accept you as long as you don’t surpass me.” And the daughter, driven by the instinct to survive, makes a silent vow—“I promise I’ll never outshine my mother.”

The child is in love with her mother. She is her god, her everything. She knows she can’t survive without her. She feels she will die without her. And so, healing her mother becomes her mission, believing it’s the only way she can earn the right to live. One day, she thinks, her mother will be happy—and will finally give her permission to live.

Healing the Mother Wound

Let me begin by saying this: healing our mother is not our responsibility. What we are responsible for is healing our own wound. And when we heal ourselves, that healing ripples out to our ancestors, our children, and to the collective mother wound.

So how do we heal ourselves?

First, by surviving. By mothering and nourishing ourselves. By receiving nourishment from Mother Earth, the mother of all mothers, and Father Sun, the father of all fathers. Each of us is born connected to these divine sources with an eternal and independent soul. Being nourished by this original source is our natural right. But because our mothers were also not taught this connection, they couldn’t pass it on to us.

We can find our teachers in others we meet along the way. We remember our connection to the source together. We mirror this back to one another.

Reiki is a divine gift sent to humanity to strengthen and support this spiritual connection. It is the highest frequency of unconditional love and light energy we can use to nourish ourselves while re-parenting. Only when we are nourished, grown, and no longer feel threatened can we truly reach adulthood and restore balance with our mothers. The adult self knows she doesn’t need her mother’s care anymore, that she is safe, and she will survive. And only from this safe place of connection with the Creator can we truly begin to heal our relationship with our mother.

The real issue is our child ego, still waiting to be loved by our mother, still believing it needs her love to grow. But this is a vicious cycle. Because our mothers, who haven’t done this inner work themselves, have no love left to give.

So, as children still seeking nourishment, we cling to others who resemble our mothers or carry the same unresolved pain. We try to fill our unmet need for motherly love through romantic relationships.

But unfortunately, this is not a need that anyone else can meet. It is too vast and demands constant fulfillment. The only one who can meet it is ourselves—by remaining constantly connected to the original source.

By nourishing and spending time with our inner child, by offering it the unconditional, infinite motherly love it has always longed for—we can heal our relationship with ourselves, with our mothers, and with others.

That child now knows that feeling love and happiness in healthy, balanced relationships does not depend on healing her mother or being healed by her. She understands that although her mother made mistakes and was not perfect, it is now her own responsibility to give herself the chance at life her mother couldn’t offer.

She no longer tries to heal her mother’s problems by entering relationships with people who mirror them.

This is what stepping into adulthood truly means. It begins with a brave step—facing our ancestors and saying, “I choose myself and I choose to be happy,” turning our backs to the past, and turning toward infinite new experiences.

Gratitude to Reiki and to all the relationships that appeared on this journey. Today, I am an adult woman who takes full responsibility for her life—no matter the outcome.