Loneliness

Bond Formed with Loneliness

Loneliness has become my most passionate companion over the past 17 years—my sacred temple, my home where I rush to meet myself, my closest friend. I was never truly alone; I was always part of my unseen soul family that held and supported me. I had longed to reunite with them since I was born, and now I was with them.

In this article, I’ll talk about my long journey toward loneliness during my Reiki healing process, and how it turned out to be such a blessing in my life.

Energy Sensitivity

For as long as I can remember, other people’s energy deeply affected me. Sometimes it felt unbearable, like motion sickness, with nausea and a sense of faintness coming over me. At least once or twice a week, it would end with vomiting and intense headaches… until I discovered Reiki healing.

From a very young age, everyone would confide their troubles to me. My mother, grandfather, uncle, grandmother… It was as if I was the one who had to keep everyone balanced, always being cheerful and pleasant at home. Even on the day my aunt died of gas poisoning in our home when I was four years old, I was reportedly running around smiling and, when asked, saying, “Everyone is so sad, I’m trying to make them happy.”

My grandfather told me that talking to me calmed him and would share his worries. My mother always shared her heartbreaks with me—how she was abandoned, how bad men were. My uncle would talk about how he overthought everything and couldn’t trust anything he did. My grandmother told me how she hated being a woman.

It was as if I didn’t exist. My very purpose was to listen to others’ problems and try to heal them. Being surrounded by so many unhappy people didn’t leave me any room to just be a child. There was no space for me to complain, be irresponsible even in the slightest, or be mischievous. It felt like I only deserved to exist if I made them feel better. I received very little compassion and had to be a “good child” to get even that. For example, my grandfather would only let me kiss his cheek if I massaged his tired legs after work!

Repeating Patterns in Relationships: Feeling Lonely, Expecting Others to Love Me

Even though I wasn’t aware of it, this pattern continued in my later relationships. I always felt lonely. Misunderstood, unseen, unworthy, strange, stupid, ugly, unlovable, pitiful, pathetic… I had to work so hard to get people to love and accept me. Deep down, there was a firmly rooted belief that I was simply not someone worth loving.

When I didn’t put in this effort—when I stopped trying to heal people or didn’t give them my time the way they wanted—they would get angry at me. It was like they wanted to hold me hostage. Some treated me like their mother, projecting the fights they couldn’t have with her onto me. Others became dependent on me to feel good and would emotionally manipulate me if I didn’t give them the dose they needed.

Some people on the other hand, found my intense, enveloping energy overwhelming. They were afraid of me. I had to learn to pull my energy back, to be calm, and even though there was a torrent wanting to rush out from inside me, I had to keep it for myself.

Reiki Healing: Connecting with Yourself, Self-Compassion

I remember it took so many years before I heard that voice inside me crying, “But what about me, is there no love for me?”—which was actually a sign of healing. That question was the beginning of self-compassion.

Once I started receiving Reiki healing, my life began to change very quickly and dramatically. It was as if I’d been holding my breath underwater for so long and now was finally coming up for air. First, I started withdrawing from friends who kept breaking my heart bit by bit. The version of me that was always accessible, always waiting for a crumb of approval or love from them—that person was gone.

I had missed myself so much. I entered a long period of loneliness. I was having such a good time with myself. My bond with my soul was so strong. I knew who I was, what I needed, and what kind of people I needed much more clearly. Most importantly, that desperate need for someone else had disappeared, replaced by a vast love flowing from an endless source. I was learning to connect with myself.

Boundaries in Relationships and Secure Attachment

Today, I can enter crowded spaces without feeling sick. I’m much better at building personal relationships too. Because now, instead of focusing on what the other person needs from me (except with my clients), I focus on what I bring to them or that space in that moment—what I genuinely want to share and give. With my regular Reiki healing practice, it’s much easier to stay in Love. Instead of getting trapped in trauma-based feelings haunted by old memories, I can stay in the moment with Love-based feelings.

Now, every new person I meet is a blank page. I allow them to be themselves and express themselves as they are. And if after that I don’t like what I see, I don’t feel obligated to keep seeing them.

For years, people can hide their true selves out of fear of losing each other, instead of that, true selves can be expressed quickly, relationships can happen and end just as quickly—and I think there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as expectations don’t exceed the desire to fully live that moment… Most importantly, as long as that illusion of being alone, of forsakenness, doesn’t come back to haunt us from the past.

That’s why regular practice with yourself, that relationship with yourself, is the most essential thing. Always be there for yourself and never abandon yourself! When you do that, other people leaving your life won’t shake you as much. Boundaries in relationships become healthy and easy to set.

There’s little room for fear in Love. When I enter a space where I normally wouldn’t feel safe, I always remind myself that I’m never truly alone and that a protective power is always with me. The force of this energy coming from the Divine always consumes whatever is outside of Love. In other words, when I walk with this energy, my energy dominates over lower vibrations, causing them either to dissipate (move away from me) or transform.

The Sacredness of Loneliness and Bond with the Soul Family

I feel that every encounter, big or small, every shared moment, is etched on my soul as an experience and enriches me. I no longer believe in those “happily ever after” Hollywood stories we were told since chilhood. That doesn’t sadden me; on the contrary, I don’t force myself to believe that every relationship (friendship or romantic) must end with that “happy ending” to be meaningful.

Every moment I spend with myself and my soul family (whether earthly or spiritual) reminds me of the strong bond I have with Existence itself. I no longer let anyone come between me and the Divine. I don’t allow anyone to use me to reach God. Instead, I place God between us and relate to others through that connection.

I (like everyone) am unique and special. I accept myself and my sacred loneliness as it is. My loneliness is sacred because it allows me to be who I truly am, to be honest with myself, and not to betray myself. Now, I only form personal relationships with soul friends with whom I can have an equal exchange. The scarcity or abundance of them, or the time I spend with them in my life, never overshadows the richness of those moments and can sustain me for a long time.

Facing loneliness is really about making peace with ourselves and reaching the source of love within us. The most precious thing I learned in my Reiki healing journey is that loneliness is not a lack but a gift. As we bond with our soul family, show self-compassion, and listen to our inner guidance, loneliness grows us, transforms us, and frees us. I invite everyone who wants to find their own light on this journey to embrace this sacred loneliness.